The Pharmacy by Brian Whitaker
Originally written in 2007
My annoyingly chipper wingman, Ensign Kara Pike was quite relieved that the MRI came back negative. No tumor, no growth, my brain was fine; or so the doctors said, but they still gave me a prescription. The thankful Pike gave me a bear hug right in the doctor's office. The receptionists smiled as they gazed upon the hug, as well as several old ladies. "Ah, young love," one of them commented.
Uh well, er, um, yes, but not Pike, at least not yet. Please.
The happy juice was still swimming inside my veins so Pike drove me to the pharmacy, I dropped my prescription for nerve inflammation with a pharmacist assistant. The eager ensign and I wandered the store until my name was called. Pike picked up some personal items while I scanned the magazine rack, which was right next to the sinful candies.
I picked up a pro football magazine and a dark chocolate Snickers. I vectored off towards the coolers. I grabbed Cherry Coke and rendezvoused with Kara at the back as my name blared over the speakers.
Naturally I picked the best looking pharmacist to check out, no pun intended. I placed my stuff down on the counter. I opened the Cherry Coke and took a pain reliever; my left eye was beginning to throb with stabbing pains. A sighing Kara just shook her head and whispered in my good ear, "Why do you always pick the prettiest girl while checking out."
"Oh, like you don't do the same at a restaurant, asking for whatshisname?" I countered.
"That's different, sir. He's cute, not as handsome as yo-"
Our awkward discussion was stopped short as the pharmacist discreetly cleared her throat. She informed me all about the wonderful medication, "Be careful of your sugar intake lieutenant. If you intake too much, you'll get a nasty migraine in no time."
A smug Pike quickly retorted, "Guess you won't be dropping by Blue's Tavern and getting those Cherry Cokes for a while."
My radar was picking up a green eyed bogey, "I sense jealousy," I replied as I paid for my pigskin magazine, caffeine hit, energy boost, and prescription.
"Why would I be jealous of a blue haired airheaded ninja?" the green ensign queried.
Pike strolled up and paid for her stuff as I looked up and began to mumble, "Wondrous Amazon, Miss Lightning, a certain red headed superheroine cadet..."
She looked back at me and mischievously smiled, "You're changing the subject."
"No, I'm not," I replied as she put her money away.
"Yes, you are. You always do," she countered as we walked away from the bewildered young pharmacist.
We continued our little snip as walked out to her car. Once inside Kara rolled her eyes as I declared, "She's got this really neat tattoo, it's a dragon. It runs down her entire back."
"And how would you know?" she replied raising an eyebrow.
I flashed a puzzled look, "You forgot about the intergalactic cosmic bikini contest between her, Lady White, Lady Red, and Tara at Mogo?"
"Tara kicked her little blue butt, didn't she?" Pike wickedly smiled.
"Ah, no. Blue kicked hers and theirs,” I calmly replied.
"Oh. Well," Kara muttered, shrugging her shoulders as she quickly turned the ignition. My cell phone rang as she backed the car out of the parking spot. I recognized the number; I flipped the phone open as she put her car in drive.
"Yes, Colonel." I answered, "Yes, we'll be at the mansion. In fact we'll pick up some donuts on our way there."
I flipped the phone off and my evil wingman immediately started to sing, off key, "When Colonel Rogers flings his mighty shield..." I winced and grimaced as I covered my aching left ear as her shrill voice made my headache worse. She stopped and smugly giggled, "Just keeping you on your toes sir," sticking out her tongue as she finished.
I reluctantly agreed holding my aching ear, "That you do my dear ensign, that you do."
Uh well, er, um, yes, but not Pike, at least not yet. Please.
The happy juice was still swimming inside my veins so Pike drove me to the pharmacy, I dropped my prescription for nerve inflammation with a pharmacist assistant. The eager ensign and I wandered the store until my name was called. Pike picked up some personal items while I scanned the magazine rack, which was right next to the sinful candies.
I picked up a pro football magazine and a dark chocolate Snickers. I vectored off towards the coolers. I grabbed Cherry Coke and rendezvoused with Kara at the back as my name blared over the speakers.
Naturally I picked the best looking pharmacist to check out, no pun intended. I placed my stuff down on the counter. I opened the Cherry Coke and took a pain reliever; my left eye was beginning to throb with stabbing pains. A sighing Kara just shook her head and whispered in my good ear, "Why do you always pick the prettiest girl while checking out."
"Oh, like you don't do the same at a restaurant, asking for whatshisname?" I countered.
"That's different, sir. He's cute, not as handsome as yo-"
Our awkward discussion was stopped short as the pharmacist discreetly cleared her throat. She informed me all about the wonderful medication, "Be careful of your sugar intake lieutenant. If you intake too much, you'll get a nasty migraine in no time."
A smug Pike quickly retorted, "Guess you won't be dropping by Blue's Tavern and getting those Cherry Cokes for a while."
My radar was picking up a green eyed bogey, "I sense jealousy," I replied as I paid for my pigskin magazine, caffeine hit, energy boost, and prescription.
"Why would I be jealous of a blue haired airheaded ninja?" the green ensign queried.
Pike strolled up and paid for her stuff as I looked up and began to mumble, "Wondrous Amazon, Miss Lightning, a certain red headed superheroine cadet..."
She looked back at me and mischievously smiled, "You're changing the subject."
"No, I'm not," I replied as she put her money away.
"Yes, you are. You always do," she countered as we walked away from the bewildered young pharmacist.
We continued our little snip as walked out to her car. Once inside Kara rolled her eyes as I declared, "She's got this really neat tattoo, it's a dragon. It runs down her entire back."
"And how would you know?" she replied raising an eyebrow.
I flashed a puzzled look, "You forgot about the intergalactic cosmic bikini contest between her, Lady White, Lady Red, and Tara at Mogo?"
"Tara kicked her little blue butt, didn't she?" Pike wickedly smiled.
"Ah, no. Blue kicked hers and theirs,” I calmly replied.
"Oh. Well," Kara muttered, shrugging her shoulders as she quickly turned the ignition. My cell phone rang as she backed the car out of the parking spot. I recognized the number; I flipped the phone open as she put her car in drive.
"Yes, Colonel." I answered, "Yes, we'll be at the mansion. In fact we'll pick up some donuts on our way there."
I flipped the phone off and my evil wingman immediately started to sing, off key, "When Colonel Rogers flings his mighty shield..." I winced and grimaced as I covered my aching left ear as her shrill voice made my headache worse. She stopped and smugly giggled, "Just keeping you on your toes sir," sticking out her tongue as she finished.
I reluctantly agreed holding my aching ear, "That you do my dear ensign, that you do."
Other Short Stories by Brian Whitaker
Cherokee Hat Trick
The Pharmacy
Gabepentin
Shakespeare My TN Buddy
Having a Good Time-TN Version
1126 Tomcat Way Full GM Edit
Going Down
Cherokee Hat Trick
The Pharmacy
Gabepentin
Shakespeare My TN Buddy
Having a Good Time-TN Version
1126 Tomcat Way Full GM Edit
Going Down
Photo used under Creative Commons from wuestenigel